Free weight-loss tips at discount price

Having trouble losing weight? Your diet or exercise program isn’t quite working? Here are three easy tips guaranteed to help you. Though your doctor does not want you to hear these tips, we offer them absolutely free of charge!

1. Femur Extraction

Did you know that your femur bone is the heaviest bone in your body? Many people think favourably of their femur bone, assuming that it helps them walk, run and jump. While it certainly does assist in all of these activities, it also plays a significant role in making up the number shown on the scales. Removing your femur bone, we guarantee, can play a major role in helping you lose weight. But don’t do it yourself! We offer femur extraction services today at a discount rate! Contact us for more information.

2. Special Exercise

There is a fundamental problem with most weight-loss exercise programs. This problem is that they cause you to put on muscle. Muscle, as most people fail to realise, is far denser than fat, and is therefore a major problem when you are trying to lose weight. Particularly troublesome are the quadriceps, pictorials and gluteal muscles, all of which are tremendously heavy. The solution? Follow an exercise program which reduces the size of these muscles, making the scales your friend again! Our exercise program involves phasing off push-ups, squats, and cycling, among other things, at the rate our experts believe to be most efficient. Buy our exercise program NOW at a discount price!

3. Debilitating Disease

Increasingly rare today is a very effective method of losing weight: debilitating disease. In the past, diseases such as Malaria, Cholera and the Bubonic Plague played a major role in keeping people’s weight low. Today, these diseases are shunned by mainstream society. Even in the few countries where they still exist, persistent efforts, sadly, are being made to eradicate them. The good news is that many are not yet totally extinct. We specialise in providing Cholera, a disease which results in severe diarrhoea — a very efficient method of losing weight. Usually the bacteria necessary for procuring this disease must be obtained through unclean water, but we provide them in the capsule form at discount price!

So spread the word! If these free tips helped you to lose weight, tell all your friends! Don’t forget to purchase our exercise program, our cholera pills, and our femur extraction services, all at discount price!

Note: I am NOT making fun of overweight people here, I’m lightly making fun of weight-loss programs — but mainly just  having a good time. I hope you are too.

Advertisements

About Leinad

Leinad, also known as Keras the Unknown (Keras for short), also known as Thevarul, is an MK who likes to run, read, write and play board-games.

Posted on November 24, 2013, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 7 Comments.

  1. Very fun to read, Leinad, but I must admit that I thought I was getting spam when I saw this in my inbox. 🙂

  2. *laughs* I don’t know why I didn’t get this on my reading list when you posted it. It’s hilarious, though!

    I don’t know if I’ve ever commented on your blog before, but it’s not because I don’t read it. It’s more because WordPress is a little difficult to comment on when I use a Blogger profile. 😀 Anyway, I find you entertaining, and so I thought of you when I came up with a writing tag that I’m hoping people will have a lot of fun with: http://theinkloft.blogspot.com/2013/12/you-know-youre-writer-when.html

  3. Pfff. I thought this was spam at first, then I read more closely and cracked up! Nice job.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: